Trying not to be hard on myself.

...

I've just spent the last three days trying to practice what I've learned, but my brain? Complete mush. I’ve hit the point where I'm just scrolling through IG, hoping somehow, someway, my brain will absorb information through osmosis. Spoiler: It doesn’t— I don’t think tech is for me. 

I beat myself up a lot when things don't go my way or when I'm trying to learn something and I'm not getting it. Why am I like this? Why am I like this? I can’t help but feel like a failure sometimes. Remembered in Uni, I used to get angry at myself for not speaking better in public during my times in JCI. Things like this, makes me so sad 😭. I'll watch other directorates speak fluently and eloquently and there goes me stammering my way through. That's by the way. 

But wait—hold up. It’s at this exact moment that I have a choice. Beat myself up, and spiral into an existential crisis. Or, I could pull a plot twist and decide to be kind to myself. Yep, even though everything’s on fire and my self-esteem is at an all-time low.

Then I'll decide to take a chill pill—literally. And then, out of nowhere, I start talking to myself like I'm my own best friend. “Okay, we’ve got this. Maybe we didn’t practice enough, but you’re a smart cookie". I have conversations with myself a lot. I practice what I'll say to people beforehand. I'm dramatic, I'm aware😗.

Worst case, I always have this positive believe that no matter the situation I will still survive and everything is goingnto work out for me. I throw myself in a couple of self-affirmations: "You are worthy, even if you fail. You’re gonna crush life, test or not". Though, let’s be real, I find words of affirmations funny to me on some days 😭. I'll say it and then go ahead to say "Dey play". 

Instead of texting all my friends about how confused or sad I am, I laugh at myself for a second. Sip some water, stretch, and even throw myself in a five-minute dance break to "Joy is coming" by Fido—because, really, what else are you gonna do when you’re at peak panic? Oops, sometimes I do cry and sleep to cool off. 

Then I wake up feeling energetic and ready to get things done. Then I'm like: life’s too short to be mad at myself for not having everything figured out.

What's the cause of my rants? I've been given a final assignment on a skill I chose to learn myself and it has been giving me headaches. The truth is, I don’t think I’m patient enough to learn all this complex stuff.

What's the purpose of my rants? To be kind to myself even during difficult times. Hard times are going to come at you like a ton of bricks. Whether it’s work, school, or just the chaos of life, you’re gonna mess up sometimes. But here’s the thing: being kind to yourself doesn’t mean avoiding your mistakes. It means not adding to the stress by beating yourself up over things you can’t control. You’ve got to embrace the "you’re doing the best you can" vibe—even when you feel like you’re failing. Give yourself some grace. You deserve it! 

Next time life tries to pull you into a pit of self-criticism, pause and show yourself some love. Take a moment to breathe, acknowledge your feelings, and remind yourself that you’re only human. You don’t have to be perfect—just be kind to yourself. Let’s make self-compassion a vibe. Try it out and watch how much easier it is to ride the waves of life when you're not drowning in guilt. 

I hope I remember to take my own advice on some days 😭.

See you next time, my loves 🫶.